Strange but true

I didn’t expect that the reason I’d be constipated would have little to do with the prenatal vitamins or the pregnancy, and more to do with the fact that I’m afraid to push in case the baby accidentally comes out.

In case you were wondering…

Pregnancy nausea doesn’t feel any different than regular nausea. 

 I guess I thought that when pregnancy nausea hit, it was accompanied by beatific angels circling above the toilet while harp music drowned out the dry heaves.

That doesn’t happen.

Instead, it’s just like the day after a tequila-soaked evening.  Only without the beautiful memories of the night before.

And greasy fried eggs don’t help.

How It All Started

5:03 PM Make the executive decision that though it is three days before my period, I feel “funny” and therefore should stop and buy a pregnancy test on my way home from work.  Besides, it is my birthday and birthdays permit self-indulgent behavior.

5:27 Sneak pregnancy test into bathroom in my pocket, because my husband hears enough of my wacked out premonitions and he never needs to know about this one.

5:29 Pee on stick. Badly.  I’d tell you how badly but you don’t need a visual.

5:31 A plus sign develops on the stick.  I frown disbelievingly at the plus sign

5:32 Shake the stick, then frown at it again.

5:33-6:00 Silently fume at the stupid stick while we ready the house for friends who are coming over for birthday cake.

6:02-8:00 Celebrate birthday.  Explain drinking tea instead of wine because I “am coming down with a cold.”

8:11 Tell husband and show him the stick after everyone leaves.

8:12 Debate the validity of the stick. He suggests that it might actually be correct.

8:13 We fall over in panic.

That was a month ago.