The Set-up:
Me: I have to go to Town X overnight for work.
Him: It’s supposed to be pretty there.
Me: Oh, yeah. It’s beautiful.
Him: I have a few days with no work. Maybe the baby and I should go with you.
Me: You think?
Him: Yeah! It will be fun.
Me: You’re right. What could go wrong?
The Punchlines:
1) The torrential rain that slowed down our drive and caused us to arrive at the B & B well past the Buddha’s bedtime.
2) The refusal of the Buddha to fall asleep or do anything but scream, really, for over two hours after arriving at the B & B.
3) The Buddha’s finally falling asleep, getting successfully transferred to the portacrib, and lulling us into a sense of relaxation, only to burst out into another screamfest the second we turned out the light.
4) The ongoing screaming awakening that occurred approximately every 45 minutes all night long.
5) Me giving up on the portacrib and bringing the Buddha to bed.
6) Me remembering that one of the reasons why we don’t do the whole family bed thing is my inability to sleep when wedged between two people who won’t stop touching me oh my god STOP TOUCHING ME.
7) Scream. Scream. SCREEEEAAAAAAM.
8) Good morning, Momma! It’s 6 AM! Let me claw your face!
9) The Alias Father getting up and taking her to the other side of the room to play so I could try to get another smidge of sleep, given that I’m the one who has to be working in two hours.
10) The unbelievably loud THUNK of her head hitting the wood floor of a two hundred-year-old house as she tips over. Oh, and yes, the screaming.
11) The baleful glares of every other guest in the B & B as we enter the dining room.
12) A day spent trying to be friendly and outgoing when all I want to do is climb under the table and die.
13) The two-and-a-half hour drive home with a baby that is still, somehow, against all logic, screaming.
14) Walking in the door to find a kitchen full of dog puke.
15) Oh, yes! I had a head cold!
The Ironic Conclusion:
She’s happy now!
August 13, 2008 at 8:49 pm
NEver, ever say something like “what could go wrong.” Ever.
Lesson learned, my friend. Lesson learned.
August 13, 2008 at 9:24 pm
It could have been worse. 13b could have been “Buddha started projectile vomiting the minute she was put in her carseat and didn’t stop until we pulled in the driveway…”??
That’s a silver lining, right there. There was no vomit. I will give her that.
August 14, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Funny… we just spent the weekend away from home and ended up with an extra body in our bed for one of the nights. I don’t believe either Susan or I slept well, mostly for that whole “I don’t want to smush the baby” kind of feeling… or at least at first. Clawing the face though… that’s sort of familiar.
I dig the idea that the job puts you up in a B&B!
It was such a small town, there was no hotel. Heh.
August 16, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Vacations are fun.