Last question. I meant to get to this over the weekend, but I’ve entered that phase of pregnancy that I like to think of as the sleep-and-puke phase. The “puke” part isn’t really accurate, though I’ve been a bit nauseous, but the “sleep” part? Whooooo doggies. I could sleep for 24 hours and still wake up tired. All that rapid cell dividing and appendage formation takes it out of a girl, ya know?
Stephanie wanted to know why I never post pictures of myself. There’s a few reasons, really. Some good, some bad, all honest. Pick your favorite:
1) Privacy. When I first started this blog, I felt it was really important that I maintained my anonymity. I’ve wrestled with that decision a bit over the years, trying to figure out why I care. I mean, it’s not like the popular bloggers are being overrun with stalkers, so I doubt my little piece of the internet is vulnerable. And I often have the temptation to write about where I live, because, people, it is rife with stories. Rife, I say! But I still hold back without really knowing why. I have halfway realized that my desire for anonymity has less to do with people knowing who I am and more to do with a real reluctance to own my words. I don’t usually tell people in real life that I write, at all. I get embarrassed when someone compliments me on a freelance piece. I hate putting myself out there in a known way. So knowing that someone might connect some of the things I write about here with ME is, frankly, a bit horrifying.
(Only one person I know in real life reads this blog besides the Alias Father. She found me by accident and wouldn’t have known it was me if I didn’t tell her. Luckily, she’s very cool and hardly ever mentions it and for that I am very grateful. Hi, Sarah!)
2) I am not hip. Look, bloggers are hip. Theys some gorgeous women, they are. They have funky vintage clothing and good shoes and great haircuts. They live in cities and have iPhones. Their lofts are featured on Apartment Therapy. I buy all my clothing on clearance, my glasses are currently glued together, my hair usually looks like its been styled with a weedwhacker, my phone is a three year old Motorola, and the primary decor theme of my house is “plywood.” I am not hip. It’s better that there not be photographic evidence of this.
3) I am the most unphotogenic person in the world. Like, seriously. I am not being modest. I am notoriously unphotogenic. My chin disappears, one eye is usually droopy, my corpse-like pallor reflects the light badly, my cheeks take over the frame, I always blink. It’s bad. It’s really, really bad. Professional photographers have failed to take decent photographs of me. My wedding pictures have eye bags and wrinkles and bad lighting. I don’t want you judging me by my photo, because my photo is bad. I think I translate better in real life. At least that’s what I tell myself everytime I look at a picture of myself and think, “Oh please oh please oh please tell me that’s not what I look like everyday!” (No one ever really answers me, which I think is telling.)
Those are my reasons. And I get the frustration, I do, because the very first thing I do when I read a blog is to go to the About page and look for a picture. And when they don’t have one I’m all, “What the hell? Screw them!” To tell you the truth, I searched long and hard for a photo to share. Just one photo in which I did not look like a hideous, frazzled wretch. And? Failure. Massive, massive failure.
So whenever you want to know what I look like, just picture this:
This is what I like to imagine I look like after I’ve gotten all dolled up. And had several shots of tequila. And possibly a sharp blow to the head.
I’ll make a deal with you. If I ever get my sorry ass to California, I will let Stephanie take pictures of me and I will post them. Because the girl is talented and I’m sure she can work with me and get a good shot. Somehow. Maybe by forcing me told hold a giant cookie in front of my face or something. That works, right?
Until then, just keep picturing Ms. Winslet up there. That will be just fine.
July 1, 2009 at 4:56 pm
1. A couple years ago I started a blog with my sisters. It wasn’t a secret and word soon got around to some friends of ours. At the time I didn’t mind that they knew or read what we were writing. (It was perfectly normal, everyday stuff.) But when I was actually confronted with it? In person? Oh, God, the horror! It’s why I eventually quit.
And the strange thing (considering how many blogs are out there these days) is that I still find that non-bloggers don’t really understand blogging. They don’t get it. They look at you funny. At least, that’s what I’ve encountered. It’s weird.
2. Bloggers ARE hip. And it’s really unfair. I’m nowhere near hip. I’m anti-social. I hate brushing my hair. I rarely remember to wax my eyebrows. My glasses? The left earpiece completely snapped off and I never bothered trying to fix it. And I don’t even have a frame on my bed. That’s right, you read that correctly. No frame other than the metal one that came with it to hold the bed off the floor. And my only hobbies are ones I’ve discovered through other hip bloggers, which probably means I’m a total follower, but I tell myself that I’m not. (Except I really am. I mean, I even stole the way YOU reply to comments. But… IT’S THE BEST WAY. I’ve tried everything else!) (I really hope you find immitation flattering and not creepy or weird.) (I’ll just go now.)
3. When you come to California and let me take your photo, I promise to get you good and drunk first and then we’ll photoshop the hell out of it until you’re happy. (That’s assuming we need photoshop, which we might not. No, don’t shake your head at me.)
Until blogs, I had no idea how many gorgeous, hip women were out there. Maybe I just live in a really small world filled with funny-looking fuddy duddies?
I agree that this comment reply system is the best. I stole it from someone else, so no fear!
July 2, 2009 at 8:36 am
That’s amazing – that’s how I’ve already been picturing you! Judging from the rare pictures of Buddha, I don’t see how you could look otherwise.
I knew I liked you for a reason!
July 2, 2009 at 10:58 am
Thanks for saying hi. I don’t think I’ve ever been mentioned in a blog post before! I totally understand the wish to be anonymous. However, it would be really cool to read stories about where you live.
Also, don’t you know that not being hip is the new hip?!?!? Loved the plywood decor comment too.
I have a question I’d love for you to address in a future post. Baby gear. Now that you’re on to baby #2, what is the stuff that you really rely on, and what can you totally ignore? We’re starting to get to the point were we need to start thinking about this stuff ourselves, and I’m going to buy from Craigslist but need some suggestions on what to look for.
Happy 4th!
Ooohhh… good idea. Although I’m such a minimalist my list might read something like: carseat, diapers, the end. Until I get to it, you might try the Great Amalah’s list.
July 2, 2009 at 3:30 pm
I love this post because it satisfies some of my curiousity. I’ve often wondered if a bunch of us were to meet for coffee at a cafe — would be recoginize each other? I have this vision of what you look like based on how you write and what little details I’ve gleaned. I must say, I wasn’t picturing Kate Winslet. I was thinking more along the lines of Jennifer Garner (esp. as she appears in “Catch and Release”). Is there a celeb you are often compared to? I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.
Also I find it very hard to write about where you live, which I know is weird for me to say, because you are always afraid of getting busted. So I try and soften – which is so not the way to write.
I recently had a bit too much to drink at a party and confessed to one of my very close local friends that I blog. She read it and had nice things to say (she hasn’t read anybody else for comparison, thankfully) – but now I can’t think of anything to write because even though she is a friend, I am aware of her every time I sit down to try and post.
Oy.
Mmmm… no. Jennifer Garner is way too sporty-looking for me. I’m anti-sport. I picked Winslet because I have been told there is a similarity, but I think it is more that we have a similar old-fashioned thing going on than that we actually look alike. I missed my heyday. I should have been born in the age of corsets and swooning. Alas.
I’ve tried hard to figure out why I’m so reluctant to let people know I write. I guess I’m just thin-skinned and can’t take the inevitable heat.
July 2, 2009 at 3:32 pm
sorry, I mean recognize.
July 2, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Wow – Kate Winslet, that is too cool. My second guess would have been a young Laura Linney – but Kate Winslet is so much better.
Can I emphasize again that any resemblance is superficial at best? And after much grooming? And preferably when the viewee is drunk and lacking his/her glasses? Okay, then.
July 5, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Most of my friends and family are aware of my blog. It’s a little odd when they refer to it. I don’t mind them knowing about it, but sometimes I wish they’d act like they didn’t know about it around me…act like they haven’t already read the story I’m trying to tell them. Stick to your privacy guns :-)